我o地會定期帶俾大家旅遊資訊, 旅遊更新, 旅遊優惠等.
1. Be Prepared. Listen to the announcements we make regarding what is available, and/or look at the inflight menu in the magazine located directly in front of your face. It’s 2 inches away, grab it.
2. DO NOT ask “What do you have?” unless you want daggers shooting deep into your soul from my beautiful blue eyes. Also, I can not be held responsible for what will more than likely be a less-than-friendly response such as “Not a lot of time, pick something”.
3. Ask for exactly what you want.
4. If you would like something in your coffee please ask for it WHEN YOU PLACE YOUR ORDER.
*Side note: A “black coffee” does not include cream and sugar, asshole.*
5. If you would like cream and/or sugar that is great, however if you wait until after I serve you the coffee, and walk back a few rows as I am already on to the next few passengers I will punch you in the throat.
6. DO NOT ask me for 2 ice cubes. If you do, I will pick them up with my fingers and plop them into your cup. Really, two?? Jesus Christ.
7. Don’t touch the cart, and do not even think about helping yourself to whatever you want off of it. Just ask. Would it be OK for me to come to your office and start grabbing shit off of your desk? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
8. If you need to get my attention, kindly ask for it like a normal human being. Maybe an old fashioned “excuse me”. I do not take well to someone pulling at my blouse, trousers, apron, tapping my shoulder, flailing their arms in front of me, snapping their fingers, shaking their cup, etc. NOT. FUCKING. COOL. Keep your hands to yourself and be polite. I mean seriously, who raised you?
9. Don’t even try to pull a fast one on us, we’re not idiots — and most of us even have at least a 4-year degree (!). If we come to your row and serve everyone else in it (while you’re too busy listening to your iPod, fake sleeping, and totally ignoring us) and you do not reply, that’s it. You’ve had your chance. I am not playing that back-and-forth from row to row bullshit during a 1-hour flight. Sorry about your luck.
10. We cannot take trash from you during our beverage service. Do you want someone’s half-eaten sandwich, napkins they wiped their nasty-ass mouth with and rotten banana peels touching your cups? I promise we’ll come back after everyone else is served, that is if you can wait the FIVE MINUTES.
11. When I am making eye contact and asking your seatmate what THEY would like, please allow THEM answer. If it is a female and you talk over them, you are a douche. I always ask ladies first, and if I am asking them and you cut them off with your dumb-ass yelling of the word “COKE” I will fill your cup up with as much ice as possible and add just a teeny-weenie (size of your dick) splash of COKE to it. Jerk-off.
12. If you tip me (and yes, I WILL take tips – I made less than $18K last year), you will most definitely be treated like a king or queen.
(NOTE: Flight attendants do not expect tips and many will not/can not accept them. I am only speaking for myself, so calm down.)
13. It’s not rocket science.
